We Are One, a publication of the Jewish Federation of Greater Orange County, published an interview conducted by Carl Kass with Rabbi Rebecca Shinder about her views on Interfaith.  The interviews occurred in her study at Temple Beth Shalom, in Florida, NY on the evening of July 16, 2009.

CK: Tell me about your education.

RS: I did my undergraduate work at the University of Rochester, majoring in religion and classics. I studied classical voice at the Eastman School of Music [at the University of Rochester]. I spent a short time, 5 months, as the Youth Director of the National Youth Movement of England, a liberal organization. I then went to Jerusalem to study at the Hebrew Union College during my first year of study to become a rabbi. I spent four more years at the New York [City] campus of the Hebrew Union College. I was ordained in May of 2000.

CK: Prior to joining Temple Beth Shalom, where were you?

RS: I was the assistant then associate rabbi of Temple Sinai in Tenafly, New Jersey, a congregation of about 550 families. [Temple Beth Shalom by contrast is about 90 families.]

RS continues: I was married in August 2000, so I have been a rabbi two months longer than I have been a wife. Larry and I have three children, Jeremy is 7, Jacob is 5, and Hanna is 2½ .

CK: Tell me about some of the differences (without being judgmental) between Temple Sinai and Temple Beth Shalom.

RS: Temple Sinai was a larger and wealthier congregation. People there had the opportunity to belong to the Temple and many belonged to the Jewish Community Center (5 minutes up the hill), another group belonged to a country club, another group had other affiliations. For many at Temple Beth Shalom this is their spiritual home, their Jewish social base – this is the Jewish address in the Florida-Warwick-Goshen area (for Reform Jews).

One of the benefits of a larger congregation is that I was able to craft a Torah study group that grew over the years to about 30 students – because I had a large pool to solicit and engage. That was one of my most favorite things I did at Sinai. Because of its size, we just cannot do things like that here at TBS, but I am able to use the lessons I crafted for that class to teach the weekly Torah portion rather than give a more formal sermon.

CK: Let me put a word out there and please talk about it: Interfaith.

RS: When I was in rabbinical school, when the issue of interfaith marriage came up, I was selected to participate in a program, The Denver [Colorado] Outreach Program. It encompassed all aspects of the interfaith events: weddings, engagement in synagogue life, and so on. We studied texts about it, we met with rabbis in the Denver area, and we met with a panel of parents whose kids had married interfaith. I remember one of the parents cried bitterly and said how horrible it was that her son married out, it was one of the worst things that ever happened to her – I remember feeling very offended thinking “Your son is alive, your son’s happy, your son’s in a committed relationship, I don’t see the tragedy you see.” And that sort of started my questioning.

Interesting, the rabbis of Denver have a covenant with one another – the Reform, Reconstructionist, Conservative, and Orthodox – that they will not perform an interfaith wedding. I also remember thinking “That’s…I didn’t like that.” [Years later] I saw a disconnect – “We can’t marry you, but we’ll welcome you into the community with open arms, once someone else does that.”

Over the years I saw – and I hate the phrase – “Rent a Rabbis” that would come in and do the ceremony, with no pre-marriage counseling (all of the things I was trained to do), and that’s what couples needed.

The years went by, and, at Sinai, I met more and more interfaith families that raised educated and knowledgeable Jewish children, and I thought, “This is…this is the future, certainly of Reform Judaism.”

So I come to TBS, in the interview, the question arose “What would you do?”

“When I came out of school,” I said, “I don’t think I can do this, at Sinai I wasn’t allowed to so it didn’t really matter what I thought, and I am at a point in my life where I think it makes sense now.” There are caveats that I have to perform an intermarriage: I will not perform a marriage with a clergyman from another faith, I will not officiate on Shabbat (which I would not for marrying two Jews as well), I require that they participate in pre-marital counseling (as I do for all couples), and, most importantly, it will be a Jewish ceremony and that under the chuppa I am creating a Jewish family with the expectation that they will raise their children as Jews.

CK: At Temple Beth Shalom there are a large number of interfaith families. How do you interact with them, do you see any benefits or drawbacks?

RS: I view that non-Jewish partner [pause] as a member of my congregation! I don’t call upon them to read Torah or bless the Torah, the blessing is very clear – God has chosen us to take on the commandments, they are not a part of us ideologically or spiritually, but they are certainly a part of our community.

CK: You used the word “partner” rather than “spouse.” Partner includes a lot more than spouse. How do you feel about non-traditional families? This includes a single parent family, a family with an elderly parent, and gay or lesbian families.

RS: Our congregation is a family of families. So however our membership views themselves as a family unit – that’s what they are! To my knowledge, there are, at present, no gay or lesbian couples in the community, but there have been, and we welcome anyone who wants to be a part of our family to join us.

CK: Years ago, I attended a wedding performed by Rabbi Dr. Martin Cohen [a highly respected professor at Hebrew Union College]. It was a lesbian wedding. Would you perform a gay or lesbian wedding at this point in your career?

RS: Yes. [Pause] The key word in Hebrew speaks of marriage as kiduseen – which speaks of holiness. If two people see the holy in one another and love each other and want to create a family together then, I believe, they have as much right to be blessed by our tradition, under the chuppa, a symbol of the Jewish home, as anyone else.

CK: Do you feel at odds with the congregation (at Temple Beth Shalom) or members in the congregation with respect to your views of marriage, or do you feel the congregation is congruent with your view?

RS: Well, my predecessor was a lesbian who was married and had a child while she was here. And, from everything I have heard, the congregation was certainly supportive and felt comfortable having her as their spiritual leader, without regard to her sexual orientation.

CK: Thank you rabbi for your time and for expressing your views on some very difficult subjects.